When I finally had some time to my self after losing Brynn and after the funeral I had a lot of time to sit and think to myself about how I was going to handle things. I kept telling myself over and over again that I would not get angry. I know anger is one thing that helps drive yourself into a depression even more and when you have anger in your life its hard to get past it. I've tried and tried with all of my might that I wouldn't let myself get to that point but at times I truly cannot help it.
Devon and I have been trying ever since we got the Dr ok to try to get pregnant again. December I had to have a D&C because I had a piece of placenta left over in my uterus that was missed and causing me a lot of pain. So starting in January we started trying and nothing happened. I am partly ok with that just because I had my gall bladder removed in January. February came and went and nothing. March came and we moved to Wyoming, still nothing but with the stress of moving I think its best it didn't happen. April came and went. May, I ended up with having to get a root canal and had to go on an antibiotic that would have not been good at all for a new baby had I ended up getting pregnant. Now its June and still nothing. Devon and I did decide 2 weeks ago that maybe its best that I go back on birth control for just a short time. I know you have only a 20% chance every month to get pregnant. When we got pregnant with Brynn I stop the birth control and 2 weeks later we were pregnant and 4 weeks after that I was telling Devon that we were going to be having a baby. We're hoping that this will be the case again after a couple of months of being on birth control.
Anyway to the tears and hard choice. Yesterday my mom tells me that she thinks its best that I go talk to a Dr and get on some anti-depressants and go talk to a counselor. I have down days and I know I cry more than the average person and there are days where just the littlest things can set me off and make me cry and then it seems like it take a couple of days of recovering from what happened. I know I don't laugh as much as I use to, but I just can't find it in me to laugh over stupid things. I guess I was just hoping that I could make it through this without having to go and talk to someone or having to get on anti-depressants. I just know some people who are on them and it doesn't seem like it helps them in their situation. I guess I just feel so lost and I'm tired of thinking that I am healing just to have people smack me in the face with stuff like this with out warning.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment