My love/hate relationship with November

Dear Brynn,

I know November is a time to remember how thankful you are for the things in your life but for me I have a love hate relationship with November. I do have so many wonderful things in my life that I am grateful for but at the same time I have a really hard time expressing those things. I have a really hard time because November 16 I found out that you went home to your Heavenly father, November 18th I gave birth to a beautiful little girl that I never got to hear cry. November 21 we laid your little body to rest. I love you so much and wouldn't change anything in having you but November is not the month that I want to be reminded of the things that I am grateful for when my heart hurts so much. My life has been filled with a constant hurt that never seems to go away. I have my days that it doesn't hurt as much but the fact is, it's still there. Your little sister brings me so much joy and I love her so much as well, but part of me can't help but think about how I wish I could see you two playing together. I love you Brynn. I can't wait to see you again someday.

Love Mommy

Patches the bear

Dear Brynn,

Patches finally made it to our home! He had a long trip to finally make it to us. I loved having Patches in our home for a while. We took him with us up to your special spot and while he stayed with us he sat on your shelf at home. It was so wonderful to have such a special little bear in our home to help heal our hearts. One night I was looking at Patches travel log and cried as I started to see how many families are out there hurting over the loss of a little one as well. After our visit ended I was really sad to send Patches on his way, but he needed to go to the next family to help heal their hearts as well. Well Brynn I love you!

Love

Mommy

Paizlee's first visit to you!

Hey Sweet Little Brynn!

I love you so much! We finally were able to bring Paizlee up to see you, but we couldn't stay long because of the weather. It was cold and windy that day so we brought you your things took a quick picture then went home. But things are starting to warm up. I am so glad, the valley is starting to get green and beautiful. Paizlee is growing up so fast, she is so sweet. Whenever I ask her a question about you she always gets the biggest smile on her face. I know she remembers you.

Here we are on mothers day. We were able to bless Paizlee that day. It really was a bitter sweet day. Sweet that we blessed her and bitter because I still miss you so much. Last mothers day was so hard for me and this year having Paizlee helped so much. I feel really bad about this picture though. I left your blanket at home. So We are missing you in the picture. I wish I hadn't forgot it. But this fall we are getting family pictures done and we will have it then.

Well my sweet Brynn, I love you so much and can't wait for the day when I get to see you again! Love you!!!!!

Love,

Mommy

Your little sister Paizlee Claire.

Hey my sweet little Brynn!

Your little sister Paizlee is here! I'm sorry its taken me so long to write to you. Life has been super crazy trying to get things figured out as a new mom. Paizlee Claire made her entrance into this world on March 24, 2011 at 5:03 pm 19 inchs long, 6 lbs 2 oz, and with a head full of hair just like you. She has been such a sweet baby. She also had a lot of similarities to you. You girls have the same noise, lips, hands and feet, hair color, and head shape. I love you sweet one and miss you so much! I cant wait for the snow to melt so that i can come see you!

love

mommy

Missing you

Hey My sweet little baby girl.

I am so so sorry its been so long since I wrote you. I haven't been up to doing much lately. Its been way to long though. So here is the update since the last time I wrote you. January came and gone. Your dad and I was able to attend the temple for my birthday and it was so good to be there. I know you were there. February was a very short month and really there wasn't much going on. And now here we are into March. Your dad is in Chicago right now visiting his side of his family and will be home tomorrow. I really miss him right now and can't wait for him to get home. I wasn't able to go with him because of how far along I am right now with your little sister. So I am staying with your Grandma Debbie and Grandpa Bob. This weekend we went to Pocatello to go shopping for Paizlee and so Grandma could get her hair done. I couldn't believe how many emotions came flooding back from just being in Pocatello. I missed you like crazy and I really wish I could have had a moment to my self to cry a bit. We are getting so close to having Paizlee. I am 35 almost 36 weeks along. We're going NST 2 times a week and an ultra sound every other visit. So far everything is looking good. Our Dr is going to induce us around the 38 week mark. Well my sweet little one. That is all that is new with us. I hope your having fun in Heaven with everyone. I love you sweet girl!

Love

Mommy