Family Photo

Hey Brynn,





So here is the family pic that we took before Uncle Mitchy went to the MTC. Everyone on was there. Well almost everyone one was there. I was hurting inside so bad with the fact that you were not there. All I got to hold was your blanket to represent you. Your dad and I have been talking and I think we are going to find a white teddy bear to represent you. I am going to dress it in the little Levi dress that I had purchased for you and make a headband with a pink flower on it to go on top of the head. After the pictures were all done being taken I finally made my way down stairs and started crying uncontrollably. I never thought that it would hurt so much taking a stupid picture but it did. Especially when its a family picture. I miss you so much. I hope your having a good time up there. I love you my sweet baby girl.

Love,
Mommy

Eight Months Ago...

Eight months ago I held you in my arms, kissed your sweet little noise, forehead, hand and cheek. Eight months ago my life changed in so many ways. Ways that I never thought possible, some are good and some are bad. Some of the good are now having a more charitable heart towards others who may have something really bad going on in their life. In stead of thinking oh that's too bad I hope they are ok, I now feel more deeply for these people, pray more earnestly for the blessings they need and try to help out in anyway that I can. I know have a stronger testimony that families can be together for EVER. Life just doesn't stop at death, it continues. One of the bad things, I cry a lot more. Crying is almost an everyday occurrence. Some of my joy in life is gone and month after month of finding out that once again that you will not be a big sister is eating at the joy that I do have. I was so excited that time was winding down for you to be able to come home with us. I was so excited that I was getting my daughter it's the one thing that I wanted the most; ever since I was a little girl pretending to play house with my dolls. I wanted to be a mom. To find the joy and happiness that I see in so many families who have small children. I love you so much Brynn. I miss you so much. Happy 8 month Heavenly Birthday my sweet little angel.

Today is a good day to eat chocolate.

Hello My Sweet little one,

So yesterday your Uncle Mitch was set apart as a full time missionary and has left today with Grandma and Grandpa to do a few last minute things and then will be entering the MTC on July 14th. I am really excited for him and know he will do wonderfully! I am going to miss him. 2 years is in a way a long time but then at the same time it really isn't. I am so grateful to be apart of the church and knowing that I will be with you for eternity as long as I am doing my part brings me a lot of comfort. :) It really brings me comfort knowing that you were special enough that all you needed was a body to complete your earthly journey. Even though yesterday was a special day for Mitch, I really missed you a lot. We did our first family photos with everyone being home before Mitch left and it took all I had not to cry during pictures. It was just one of the many first. I did get your blanket that I had made for you and used it for the representation for you but my heart still broke. It was really hard to watch the rest of the nieces and nephews go and sit on Mitch's lap and get pictures with him knowing that I don't get to do that with you, it broke my heart when everyone started talking about how much each of the children will have changed by the time he gets home from his mission. When I did finally get the chance I slipped down stairs and got into the room and broke down crying. I stayed in there for a while and then left and went to your special spot. I sat in the grass for a long time crying and holding your blanket, its been a few months since I had a really big break down and even still today its taking everything I have to keep from crying.
We also had a family reunion this weekend with Grandma's side of the family and it was fun and hard at the same time. Both of my cousins who are my age both have new babies. Kylie had her baby the same month that you were born and Taylor had his son a few months ago. I stayed away as much as possible from them and tried not to look at the babies. Once again it made me sad to watch my family especially Grandma and your Aunt Jessy sit and get so excited to see the other babies. Brynn you should be here being the one who everyone gets excited to see. I really miss you. I love you so much, I hope your having a wonderful time up in Heaven. Love you always and forever my special little angel.

Love,
Mommy