Everything feels off

Hey there sweet little one,



Are you ready for Christmas? I know I am ready for it to be over. This is our second Christmas with out you and everything feels off. I can't describe what it is, other than I feel sad and can't wait for January to come. Maybe with a new year we'll have new hope and something to look forward to. Tonight is our ward Christmas party and I am singing in the program. The song is call "The Inn keeper" I really hope I can make it through the song. The last time I practiced it I cried. That is the last thing I need to do tonight. In fact crying is something that I am sick of doing. Everything seems to make me cry. I can't make it through Silent Night without tears rolling down my face. The part where it goes 'Holy Infant so tender and mild, Sleep in Heavenly Peace, Sleep in Heavenly Peace' just reminds me of you. Your a Holy and perfect spirit and I know your sleeping in Heavenly Peace. Maybe if I was a little more giving, a little more will to put myself out there and see what I could do for others, that it might help with feeling the way I feel right now.

This year I was able to participate in the Now I lay me Down to Sleep ornament exchange. I was paired up with a lady from New Jersey who just lost her son in October. She sent me the most beautiful angel that reminded me so much of you. I've put it with the rest of your things and will be keeping it out year round. And of course stupid me left the picture that I took of it at home and don't remember the name of the Angel or the company who makes them. So I'll have to post pictures of it later.

Well my sweet Angel. I love you and miss you so much everyday and wish more than ever that you were here with us for Christmas. If I could have my Christmas wish, it would be that you were here but I know that's not possible. Love you!

Love,

Mommy